Sweet Beatrice

On hiatus

2006-11-09T15:28:00.000-05:00

Sweet Beatrice is on hiatus until further notice.

Contributor: Crank Mama on Pretending in Suburbia

2006-10-08T10:27:00.000-04:00

Pretend Suburbian
by Crank Mama

I’ve always been more comfortable around cranky sassy types than those filled with the wonder of the universe. Secretly, of course, many of my less than thrilled cohorts are happy. They just don’t brag about it or run around with scary gleeful expressions, declaring how much they love sewing Halloween costumes for their kids. One of the central struggles for me as a mother is how to be myself (a cranky potty mouth with weird hair) and still love my kids --how to love them, adore them even, without losing my essential self. Thanks to many from my Mom’s generation, I’ve seen what losing oneself looks like, and it isn’t pretty.

Making new cool friends once you’re a Mom isn’t very easy. I’m friendly and outgoing, but I don’t sign to my baby, join “Mommy & Me” classes, nor do I talk only of my children while in social gatherings. You could say I’m a pretend suburban. I may look suburban (I usually wear clothes, drive a mini-vanlike vehicle, am married, and usually mow my lawn), but my gypsy spirit longs to rock in the city.

My hubs and I moved to this hippie town in NW WA state to be nearer to our jobs and closer to people with our politics. And while we don’t technically now live in suburbia, something about it still feels that way.

Yesterday we decided on a lark to host a gumbo party. We invited two sets of neighbors and their kids. We’re all 30-somethings with young kids and we’ve gotten together before and shared some laughs. But last night it was the dreaded women/men gender split. And guess who sat and talked about the children?

How I long to talk to a woman about her non-mommy dreams, about her doubts, fears, and ambitions. Instead there I was shilling 7-Up while drinking my wine, talking about breastfeeding, teething, and sleep.

It’s my fault for not actualizing myself up off the couch and sliding my way into the more jocular, interesting conversation occurring among the men--who were at least (unlike our father’s generation) standing in the kitchen.

Ultimately suburbia is a soulless state of being where everyone seems the same, but isn’t, where moms pretend to care only for talking of children and their silly old unhelpful husbands, where everyone seems overly concerned about cars, granite kitchens, and lawncare.

For Halloween this year, I’ve decided to lose the pretend suburban mom costume and don myself. The one with the crazy hair, who can’t cook, loves to read and write, and who has great ambitions for herself and the world.

CrankMama, is an aspiring hippie mama in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. She's an ex- nonprofit executive now working part-time in fundraising and trying to build a community of cranky mamas in her new town. She's married to her second husband and tries to still be herself and a good mom. She almost named her third daughter Beatrice, but chose Violet instead.

Editor's Note

2006-10-08T10:15:00.000-04:00

Our theme for October is "pretend." Whether you're pretending that you've got a handle on this whole parenting thing, faking your way through the trial by fire known as the homemade Hallowe'en costume, or convincing yourself that you can absolutely host 20 of your closest realtives for Thanksgving, October is all about that belief in the impossible.

There's a reason "make believe" is a synonym for pretend for belief is essential to the process. Without the belief, you have no magic, no wonder, no soul; belief infuses everything we do, whether it's embracing the women we've become or choosing to join in on the pagan festivities of the season.

Me? I believe in Sweet Beatrice. I believe that there's a place for parents who don't need a constant bombardment of how they're doing it worng. A place that celebrates choices and diversity in the role of mother. That looks at it with honesty, humour, and a marked lack of judgement. Hopefully, if you're here reading, you believe that too.

Our theme this month is "pretending." Whether it's pretending you know t-o*

September Issue

2006-09-30T13:23:00.000-04:00

Sweet Beatrice :: September Contents

Editor's Note: Personal lessons

Column: "Weaning Into Daycare" by MaryP

Column: "I Never Intended To Be A Mother" by Thordora

Make this: Hannah's Dress (Knitting!) by Rilana Riley-Munson

_______________________

Upcoming themes:

October: pretending

(dress-up, Halloween)

November: coming together

(family traditions good & bad, how to feed a large family on the cheap, blended families, step-, foster- or adoptive parenting)

December: celebrating

(birthday parties, holidays (not just Xmas), making new traditions)

January: keeping out the cold

(cold or rainy day activities, keeping the family close)

Febuary: loving

(sex after kids, dating as a single parent)

If you would like to contribute anything, big or small, to one of our issues (you don't have to be "on-theme"), see our submission guidelines for details.

Make This: Hannah’s Dress

2006-09-09T13:29:00.000-04:00

Hannah’s Dress

Pattern by Rilana Riley-Munson (copyright 2006) http://knitlani.blogspot.com/

Design Description: A sweet little Spring/Summer dress for girls of all ages. It’s knit entirely with acrylic yarn, which makes this dress durable, washable and kid-friendly. It makes for a nice play-dress. It can be worn with a t-shirt underneath or without.

Difficulty Level: Easy to Intermediate. Most of this dress is done in the knit stitch. The bodice is simple garter stitch with a few decreases and bind offs. The skirt/dress portion is also knit in the round. The only time the Purl stitch is involved is at the bottom trim. This project is good for beginner knitters to learn the K2tog decrease and knitting in the round on circular needles.

Materials needed: 3 skeins of Red Heart Super Saver. 2 skeins of main color and 1 skein of contrast color for the bodice. (The colors I used: Lt. Sage- bodice, Cornmeal-dress/skirt.) Red Heart Super Saver is a worsted weight yarn, 100% acrylic, 7 ounces and 364 yds per skein and comes in an array of colors.

Needle size is flexible for this pattern; it depends on whether you want a tighter knit or a loose and stretchy fabric. It does not alter the sizing that much, just the finished fabric. You can use needle sizes #US 8 for a tighter knit or #US 10 for a loose knit. You will need a pair of straight needles and circulars in your chosen size. The finished dress pictured was knit in the largest size with #US 10 needles. The sample bodice pictured was knit with #US 8 needles and the small size.

Other materials needed: A stitch marker to mark the beginning of rounds, small stitch holder (optional), yarn needle for sewing in ends.

Yarn substitutes: Any worsted weight yarn will do. Some ideas: TLC Cotton Plus, Lion Brand Wool Ease, Caron Simply Soft, Bernat Super Saver, TLC Essentials. Remember when substituting yarn to look at the yardage per skein and adjust accordingly.

Sizes: Chest measurements, around ; Small – 20-22”, Medium – 26-28”, Large – 30-32”

The pattern will list the small first and the other sizes in parenthesis. Ex: sm (med, lrg) Follow the instruction accordingly for the size.

The lengths of the dress will vary and the length I give for the sizes are approximate. You can adjust the length of the dress to your liking or child’s height by either knitting more rows in the round, or decreasing the rows.

Approximate lengths for the dress part, not the bodice: Small – 14”, Medium – 18”, Large – 23”

Gauge: approx: 16 sts = 4” in Garter St with # 10 needles

Some stitch explanations:

The decreases on the bodice are made by K2tog at the beginning or the end of the round, depending on which side you are working on. (ex: K2tog, Knit to end of row; Knit to last 2 sts, K2tog)

Kf&b means to Knit in the front and back of the same stitch. It’s a form of increasing. You can also do a M1 increase if you are more comfortable with that. It doesn’t matter. The Kf&b leaves a little ripple effect right under the bodice. The M1 would not show that. It’s just a design element. So, increase as you like.

PU (pick up) sts means you pick up stitches along an edge. What I do is insert my needle into the stitch and pull up a loop and onto the circular needle, repeat until desired number of sts have been reached. I am left handed and a self-taught knitter, I have no idea if I pick up sts correctly. You can pick up sts as you like.

Pattern:

The Bodice: (make 2)

With your chosen pair of straight needles and the bodice color, cast on 40(50, 60) stitches. Knit even in Garter stitch for 16(18, 20) rows.

Bind off 5 stitch at the beginning of the next 2 rows. – 30(40, 50) sts remain on needles.

Knit 5 rows even in Garter stitch, ALL sizes.

Next row- Knit 10(12, 14) sts, Bind off 10(16, 22) sts, Knit across the remain stitches. You should have two sections of 10(12, 14) sts on the needle. You may now place one set of these stitches onto a stitch holder if you wish.

**Next row- Decrease 1 stitch on neck edge (k2tog) on every other row, (ex: decrease row, knit row; repeat) 3(2, 4) times. You will have 7(10, 10) sts for the strap.

Knit in garter stitch evenly for 10(10, 15) rows.

Bind of all stitches. **

Place the second strap stitches back on the needle and repeat from decreases to bind off, to match the other side. (from ** to **) Remember decreases are on neck edge only, which would be opposite from other side you just worked.

Repeat the entire bodice pattern once more.

Take the two pieces and sew together the shoulder straps and the side seam.

Bodice sample knit on #US 8 needles and size small (20” around)

The skirt: With your main color and your chosen circular needles, turn the bodice sideways and pick up stitches from the bottom edge all the way around. You will pick up 80(100, 120) stitches around. Place the marker and join. You will now begin knitting in the round.

Knit 1 round even on the stitches you “picked up.”

Next round- *K1, Kf&b; repeat from * around. (This is the increase round, if you are not comfortable with Kf&b, you can M1 instead. Alternatively it would be *K1, M1; repeat from * around) – 140(160, 180) sts are on the needle.

At this point you knit every round until desired length. Approximate lengths for the dress part: Small – 14”, Medium – 18”, Large – 23”

The bottom trim of the dress is knit in the Garter stitch, but in the round. All sizes will have the same bottom trim.

Purl 1 round

Knit 1 round

Purl 1 round

Knit 1 round

Purl 1 round

Bind off all stitches.

Finishing: Take your yarn needle and sew in any loose ends. You may block the dress lightly if you wish.

Options for decorating the dress: Pick up 3 sts along the side of the bodice in the bodice color and I-cord for 12” on each side for a back tie. You can embroider flowers, ducks, etc on the bodice front too. Add ribbons, beads, whatever floats your boat.

(Finished dress is knit with #US 10 needles and size large, approx 31” around)

Questions on this pattern? Please comment. If you try it, let us know!

====================

Rilana is a 30-something stay-at-home mom and domestic diva, resides in lovely Portland, Oregon with her husband, 2 daughters and 2 fat, spoiled cats. Her addictions include alternative rock music, juicy novels, knitting and coffee. When not enthralled with the previously mentioned four, she studies and practices her Pagan ways with a bit of tarot and herbs for spice.

About this pattern:

Hannah's Dress is named after my youngest daughter of the same name and who the original dress was made for. I had originally planned to make her a summer top, with the same design. Hannah and I discussed the summer top idea and she dictated to me what she wanted and the colors she liked. I picked up the needles and created the top, bodice portion of the dress first. Hannah tried on the top part and said, "It would be cool if you could make this into a dress, instead of a top." That made my brain turn. In keeping with the original summer top idea, I thought...why not just lengthen the bottom skirt part and make it into a dress? Hannah's main requirement was that the dress reach her knees.

The entire time I was knitting her dress, Hannah would come in excited, "Is it finished yet?" She is an impatient 10-year old. Finally I finished it one afternoon. I called Hannah into the living room and held it up for her to take. "WOW!" She said. Hannah immediately tried the dress on and loved it. She wears the dress as much as she can. Hannah even asked me, last night, if she could sleep in it, rather than her normal Power Puff Girl pajamas. I will have to sneak the dress out of her bedroom at some point to wash the poor thing.

The next request from Hannah is that her stuffed Build-A-Bear gets a matching "Hannah Dress" too. It would seem I am not only knitting for my kids, but their animal pals too. A mother's work is never done...

Photo hosting by Flickr

Columnist: Thordora

2006-09-08T14:05:00.000-04:00

I never intended to be a mother.

In fact, I figured I had things set out pretty clearly, a course set in my head. Amazing what 2 bright pink lines on all 3 of the tests in the sale box can do to a life.

I was the girl who never ever planned on having children, didn't like kids, had no desire to deal with kids, etc. I had these marvelous plans for my life, for becoming the crazy cat lady whose house smells like curry and has a tone of fragile glass. I really wasn't prepared for the headfuck that motherhood presented. The pregnancy itself was easy, but along with the usual "what the hell do I do with it?" after giving birth, there was also a massive "mommy adjustment". Do mommies listen to hardcore? Read BDSM erotica and porn? Want corsets and more tattoos that cost as much as a monthly salary?

Now I have two cool-as-beans little girls, and yet I still sometimes find myself asking these questions. Now that I have kids, should I still find the stuff at T-Shirt Hell so damn funny? Should Mallrats still be so damn entertaining?

The current state of the "Mommy Blogosphere" isn't helping either. In my browsing, I've noticed two very distinct groups of "mommy blogs"

1.Hip Mom
2.Cute Mom

Now, Hip Mom has tons of readers because she's endearingly self-depreciating, witty, has interesting fun hair and she still has her original copy of Nevermind on cassette -- hash stains on the case and all. These blogs tend to be anecdotes about rude things their spunky, advanced toddlers have said. Added features tend to include "interesting" pictures that have been Photoshopped and the obligatory "Dooce" link.

Whereas the Cute Mom has tons of readers because she's honest about how totally hard being a SAHM to a child is while trying to scrapbook, garden, lead the Strollercize group and maintain their "mani" while nursing drinks after everyone is in bed. These blogs tend to include so many pictures of children swimming, eating and hugging that you might begin to wonder if you're a bad mom for never taking that many pictures. Added features of the Cute Mom blog include blinkies that will induce epileptic fits, avatars in bikinis with the weather forecast and the obligatory "Dooce" link.

It's not that I have anything against either of these "Mommys". They just aren't me. I take a look at these blogs and see what I saw before I had kids: two "cliques" of people, different only so much as "Parents" and "Parenting" are different. The covers are slightly different, but inside? It's the same old boring, pandering crap.

My quest for motherhood, for my sense of place within it, led me to wonder how I'd ever integrate "me" into “Mother.” My own experiences had been woefully inadequate; my mother died when I was young, and prior to that, she had been a fairly old school, conservative Christian mother, who worked part-time outside of the home once I was older.

My mother never seemed to have a personality outside of the home. She dressed like a Mom. She had her colors done. We had no nearby relatives, so I had no female cousins or aunts. The one older girl I knew who dared put eyeliner on me brought the wrath of my mother down on my head, with a lecture that in some way equated eyeliner to rotting eyeballs and Sodom and Gomorrah. I had no idea what being a woman meant, let alone being a mother.

Eventually, after the birth of Vivian, I made some headway, and stopped asking if it was okay to like all the things I liked before. I learned to allow myself to enjoy being a mother, to enjoy sharing all the weird things I like with my kid, who shockingly, like some things even more than I do.

Then, 10 months in, I found myself pregnant again.

Nine unpleasant months later. I was the poster child for Mothers Who Do Not Glow. I should have figured that something was up at that point, but I really didn't. Rosalyn was born.

The two months after that are a blur of anger, sadness, suicidal thoughts and numbness. I was watching my life go down the tubes, two kids. What in hell will I do with two kids?

Even worse, how can I actively hate this child I just gave birth to? How could I hate her, want her dead, or at least gone, want everything to return to the way it was: just Viv & I. I could handle that; we had reached a middle ground there.

After about six months of this not going away, and a near-divorce, we decided that something wasn't right. Not only was I not "cute" or "hip", I wasn't there. I wasn't connecting to Rosalyn in any way. I was constantly thinking about death the way other people thing about having a ham sandwich.

"Gee, I could just jump in front of the bus there. I'm hungry."

Cute Moms and Hip Moms don't have these thoughts.

About two months ago, I was diagnosed as bipolar.

I now believe that my second pregnancy was the nail in the coffin for my mental balance. A disorder that was already there, but being handled, compensated for, was suddenly thrown into the forefront. Again, I couldn't see myself mirrored anywhere. Everyone else was so bloody normal, and they loved their kids, and never had a bad word to say about them.

I say bad words about them often, and tend to be honest about wanting to drive them into a wall. My brand of "nutbag/attachment/authoritative/oh I don't care just shut up and let's enjoy Ladytron together" parenting just isn't out there in any media forms. Instead, I find stories about how little Bobby is just so cute when he hands out the playdate cards, and how little Jenny is excelling in her preschool class. I see nothing about the etiquette of being a lonely mother, wanting to invite another obviously lonely mother over for a playdate. I see nothing about how you handle telling your kids that Mommy gets sad sometimes, and it's not your fault, and it's okay.

So I figured I wanted to be the voice for mothers like me. Moms who aren't quite right in the head, but don't really mind. The mothers who hear voices sometimes. I want my brand of "Mom" to exist.

'Cause, dammit, I'm cute and hip!
==================================
About Thordora:
Thordora is currently exiled in the wilds of New Brunswick after spending her formative and fun years in Ontario. She likes ketchup but not tomatoes, grapes but not raisins and hates other people's children. She's officially crazy (and medicated) -- with Bipolar Disorder and currently works at not laughing at Americans. She has two cute spawn who never cease to make her laugh, cry and have runny poos everyday.

Weblog: Spin Me I Pulsate

Columnist: MaryP

2006-09-07T13:57:00.000-04:00

"Weaning Into Daycare"
By Mary P
a version of this column originally appeared at It's Not All Mary Poppins

A couple of years ago, children started with me at five or six months old. Now they start at a year. Although I firmly believe the year-long parental leaves are much better for the family, for me it was easier with six-month-olds. I cannot speak through direct experience to caring for four- or six-week-old babies (except my own!) but my educated guess would that it would be still more straightforward. More hands-on, yes, but straightforward. These children don't know where their bodies end and the rest of the world begins. They're not likely to make strange.

Six-month-olds, bless them, tend to coo when a new person holds them, and reward the smiling stranger with radiant smiles of their own. Year-old children tend to cling to Momma's thigh, view the smiling stranger with a frown of suspicion and wail when Momma leaves. This makes my working environment a little stressful for the adjustment period, indeed. Fretful clinginess is the norm, to be juggled with the normal needs of three or four or five other tots (the others are generally quite concerned and solicitous but New Baby doesn't generally appreciate their attention!). However, awkward and labour-intensive as it is for me, it is the parents who truly suffer.

The parents. Oh, the poor parents. Their tot suffers in their own way, it's true, but it's the parents who agonise. The parents, who remember the tear-filled wails at drop-off all day long. The parents, who worry throughout the day, staring at that picture of baby on their desk, hearing the cries echo in their ears through their working hours, who yearn to sooth and reassure -- and can't. Who know that, were it not for their decision (even when it really wasn't much of a choice), Baby would be safe in their arms, not wailing at a stranger's house. Baby has his/her moments of anxiety at the door, then gets a lovely cuddle, feels better, maybe a has snack and a bottle, goes out to play in the park, swings on the swing, listens to a story, gets fed some more. Whenever the newness of the situation hits them afresh? More snuggles, more cuddles, more lovin'.

Meantime, who's loving Mom and Dad? Who's telling them it'll be okay? Who's rubbing their backs and giving them their binkie? Who's taking away the guilt -- the nasty "I-should-be-with-my-baby, how-can-I-abandon-him/her-like-this, what's-more-important-than-my-baby" guilt?

One of the things that can ease the transition to daycare is a weaning-in process. It may surprise you to learn that I do not think a weaning-in process is necessary for most children. After over ten years in this business, it is my firm conviction that the weaning-in is only secondarily about acclimatizing the child to the daycare. Primarily it is to reassure the parents.

In my experience, it takes a six-month-old child three weeks of full-time attendance to make the adjustment to care. Year-old children may take a week or two longer. Children who come three or fewer days per week take longer still. At the end of those first few weeks, the tears at the door should be finished (parents who unconsciously encourage tears can be the subject of another column) and the child should be having happy days at daycare. It takes this long whether there was a gentle two-week weaning-in process, or whether it was done cold turkey, after a single initial baby-caregiver meeting. It really doesn't seem to make a great deal of difference... to the child.

It can make a huge difference to the parents. Parents want to see the child with the other children, they want to watch the provider interact with their child, they want to see their child gain familiarity with the new environment. Bottom line: Mom and Dad want to get a sense that their child is gaining comfort in the new place. They want a sense that their child doesn't feel abandoned to strangers.

Weaning-in, then, is mostly for Mom and Dad's benefit and you know what? This is not a bad thing. This is not a second-rate, inferior reason. This does not make it something insignificant and dispensable, needy or selfish. If you want it, you should do it. Conversely, if you don't want/need, or simply can't manage it, you can feel reassured that you will not be guaranteeing layers of trauma to your tot by starting cold turkey.

If you opt for weaning-in, there are a few things you need to know. Having a parent around can make the daycare provider's job more difficult. The extra adult changes the dynamic. It can make some children more self-conscious and clingy to the daycare lady, some may be more prone to act out and show off to the new audience, other will be less attentive to the daycare lady. Why listen to boring old her when there's this new person in town? No matter how experienced your caregiver, you may be making her a little self-conscious, and you are certainly adding a layer of complexity to her day.

If she asks you to follow certain guidelines when you are with her, please do. Do not, as one mother did to me, directly contradict the caregiver's instructions. "Come get your hats on, guys." "Oh, they don't need hats: it's not that cold out there!" Well, thank you for your input!

Also, you need to recognize that group care is different than individual care. Not better, not worse, just different. The daycare lady may respond to the children differently than you. There are different patterns of interactions, different dynamics that need to be monitored and maintained when there are five or six children in a room, as opposed to just one.

Remember, too, your baby's caregiver has multiple children to care for; she may not be able to chat with you. I once had a parent complain because she felt "ignored and snubbed" her during her visit. She didn't think I had ignored her child, mark you, but that I had ignored her. So, if it will make you feel "unwelcome" when the caregiver breaks off in the middle of a sentence to attend to the children, or fails to make eye contact with you because she's busy scanning the sandbox, I think perhaps weaning-in isn't the right strategy for you. Mm-kay?

Finally, and most importantly, recognize that weaning-in does not guarantee no tears at drop-off when full-time care begins. When the child is spending full days with this new person, no matter how gradual the transition, they will feel the adjustment, and there may well be tears. What weaning-in does do is begin the transition, and, most importantly, it can give mom and dad the assurance they're looking for.

You may not get a blankie and a snuggle, Mom and dad, but it is going to be all right!

===================

About MaryP: Mother of three, stepmother to five, teacher, prenatal instructor, group home counsellor and more, MaryP has made babies and children her life's work for over twenty years. Add to all that experience a strong sense of irony, an irreverent sense of humour, and Olympic-calibre unsqueamishness, and you have a woman who is well-suited to her work and able to reassure the most uncertain of parents.

Weblog: It's Not All Mary Poppins

Editor's Note

2006-09-05T14:40:00.000-04:00

Our intended theme for September was "back to school" but as I read our excellent columns and "make this" submission, I realized that wasn't our theme at all. The theme is about The Personal: how we define ourselves as parents by what feels right, by what we do and by what we do for our children.

So it's not so much about a return as it is about a journey. Our journeys as parents, caretakers, creators define us and our children. We learn from each other and from our children, same as they learn from us. Take some time this month to think about your parental journey, the lessons you learn and teach. Write a letter to yourself or your child. Write a blog entry on what you're learning right now. Be creative and flexible and honest. At the end of the month, who knows what more we'll have learned?

August Issue

2006-08-31T01:00:00.000-04:00

Sweet Beatrice :: August Contents

Editor's Note: "Doing It Wrong"

Essay: Lights Out. Let's Talk by Karen Knowles

Make this: Teamwork Taco Dip

Cool shit: Our shining endorsements of stuff you didn't know you couldn't live without
_______________________
Upcoming themes:
September: teaching & learning
(first day of school, at-home learning, what we learn from kids)
October: pretending
(dress-up, Halloween)
November: coming together
(family traditions good & bad, how to feed a large family on the cheap, blended families, step-, foster- or adoptive parenting)
December: celebrating
(birthday parties, holidays (not just Xmas), making new traditions)
January: keeping out the cold
(cold or rainy day activities, keeping the family close)
Febuary: loving
(sex after kids, dating as a single parent)

If you would like to contribute anything, big or small, to one of our issues (you don't have to be "on-theme"), see our submission guidelines for details.
_______________________

Cool shit for your family

2006-08-11T16:29:00.000-04:00

Eden: Extremely Informative Period Chart by Keri Smith. Whether you're trying to conceive or tracking your PMS for the whole family's sake, that handy little chart can keep track of your cycles for a whole year. It's 4" x 6" printed on 100% recycled cardstock, with soy-based inks and absolutely lovely to look at. I got mine when she first came out with them and last month when I couldn't find it, I was lost! It's useful, it's beautiful and buying one supports the artist. Why not?

Ms S: Continuous Sunscreen Spray from Coppertone. This stuff is like liquid gold, but if you've got kids, your sanity might just be worth the hefty price tag. No more squeezing thick, gloopy lotion out of a resistant tube. No more vigorously working a spraypump to eventually spurt out an uneven blob that still has to be rubbed in to the body part in question. No more wrestling holds on recalcitrant toddlers as you fight the skin cancer battle. This stuff sprays so quickly and easily, you may be finished with the whole ordeal before your kids even realize it's begun. If not, it sprays at any angle, so no matter how hard they twist and turn, they won't be able to avoid being protected from the sun. Since I'm a big baby and don't like the feel or hassle of sunblock any more than my kids, I use this too (this goes for both of us; I love me some continu-spray Coppertone! It even smells good -- Eden).

Ms S: Sunblock Stick from Neutrogena. Let's face it, nobody enjoys the sensation of slathering on the sunblock. And the new areosols, while excellent for solving that problem for arms, legs, and back, aren't too practical when it comes to the face. Trust me on this; I've experimented and I know. I'd resigned myself to the clogged pore slimy horror as the lesser of two evils when I stumbled across this stick and figured I'd give it a try. It's amazing! No more squeezing; no more slime. Simply twist the stick, and rub it on. It's oil free, SPF 30, broad spectrum, and tiny enough to drop into a purse, beach tote, or diaper bag. Now there's no excuse not to wear your sunscreen.

Eden: Two cleaning products that, if you haven't yet discovered, you should check out.

Mr Clean Magic Eraser. There are sponges of all kinds and now a floor mop! Cleans crayon off wood, glass, anything. Gets out scuff marks. You name it, not matter how old the mess, and the Mr Clean Magic erasers will help you get rid of it. Works great on dried high chair tray mess.

The other is the Spray & Wash Dual Power. I used this on some dried, old cheap-generic-Popsicle stains and it removed them. It was a white shirt, one that I thought was a goner. I was out of town when the stain occurred so it got no pretreatment yet the S&W DP got it out not problem. Since then I've tried it on all kinds of food stains, grass stains, blood stains, poop stains, etc., some not exactly fresh, and it worked wonders.

Make This: Taco Dip

2006-08-09T03:33:00.000-04:00

I'm making this for Zoe's Wonder Pets birthday party and I figured why not share? It doesn't get much easier

Teamwork Taco Dip

12 oz jar salsa
15 oz can/jar chili
8 oz cream cheese
16 oz sour cream
1-2 bags cheddar & /or jack cheeses

Red layer: salsa + chili

White layer: cream cheese + sour cream

Layer like so: white, red, cheeses, white, red, cheeses.

You can use a 13x9 pan, an 8x8 pan, a pie baker, whatever works for you. I like a glass loaf pan b/c it fits in the microwave for easy melting and deep layers.

Heat until melted, oven or microwave.

Serve w/ tortilla chips.

Note: low-fat and fat-free cheeses work great. With low-fat chili and fat-free salsa and no added sugar, it's almost healthful! You won't believe that when you taste it

Essay: "Lights Out. Let's Talk" by Karen Knowles

2006-08-06T01:02:00.000-04:00

Lights Out. Let's Talk.

Karen Knowles
_________________________________

It's another night of getting my ten-year-old daughter to sleep. We read together, and talk, and snuggle. Her favorite classical music is playing, I've kissed and hugged her twice and, finally, I'm heading out the door.

"Mom! Leave the door open a little, okay?" Her voice crosses the darkened room, slightly edged with anxiety.

"Okay, okay," I whisper, "just try to sleep now. You don't want to be tired in the morning."

At last, it's adult time or so I hope. The possibility lingers that she'll appear in 15 minutes just to check on me, unable to tough it out in the dark in her bed.

I empathize. When I say "lights out" and my daughter says "let's talk," I usually indulge her. I remember exactly how it feels to be young and unable to fall asleep.

The winter I was eight I begged my older sister to talk me to sleep every night. She obliged, and I took her patient storytelling for granted, believing it was one of her required older sister roles. We'd start off whispering word games. "I'm going on a trip and I'm packing…" and then she would tell me sedate tales until I dozed off. If she paused even for a moment, I'd stretch out one leg and jiggle her bed to make sure she was still awake.

My fear of the night began a few weeks before Christmas that year, when I last saw Theresa, my 16-year-old Brownie troop assistant. I adored Theresa; she was kind and attentive and made me feel incredibly special. At our Brownie troop meeting, she helped us string green and amber beads onto gold yarn to fashion long, sparkling necklaces. To show us how it was done, she created a necklace of her own and wore it around her neck while she helped untangle our yarn. The amber beads looked beautiful against her dark hair. We told her so, again and again, until it turned into a contest of compliments. When Theresa took off her necklace and gave it to another girl, I burned with resentment.

I was still in a sulk over this breach of affection the following Sunday morning at church. As Theresa's family filed past our pew, I turned my head and refused to greet her. Although I had hoped to deprive her of my affection, I was the only one to suffer for my rudeness. As I left church that day I knew I had behaved horribly.

The next morning, a dark, rainy Monday, I started the day like any other school day, eating cereal and toast at the kitchen table and listening to the radio—always tuned to WBZ, Boston. I mechanically munched and watched my mother's quick hands whip together sandwiches. Her sudden attention to the announcer and her stilled hands alerted me that something important was happening. I tuned in: there had been a fire in our town. It was so unusual to hear a Boston station report on our small New Hampshire town that at first I was excited just to hear us mentioned on the news. The announcer's brisk, no-nonsense voice told the story. Suspected bad wiring of an electric heater had caused a fire that killed seven family members: Theresa's family. And then the report was over. Brief, objective, factual.

Although I recognized the names at the center of this tragedy, I seemed unable to grasp the fact that Theresa had actually died. Days passed before I understood I would never see her again.

That's when the nightmares began. I dreamt of a mysterious woman, dressed in a silky purple-and-black-striped robe with her face hidden behind a black mantilla, the very same clothes we played dress-up in during the day. She sat next to my bed on a chair that did not exist during my waking hours, and asked me questions about school and everyday matters. If I refused to talk with her, she'd pinch my leg. I'd wake with a start, my heart kicking against my chest.

These dreams scared me so much I began to stay awake at night. If my mother left the house in the evening to go Christmas shopping, I'd kneel before my bedroom window to watch diligently for her return, my hands clasped upon the windowsill, my forehead resting against the cold glass frosted over with ice. The radiator beneath the window clicked and cracked and blew soft warm air toward my face. In the darkness, the street shone with a film of ice over crunchy snow. I'd stare at that road and pray for my mother to appear, afraid now for my own family's safety. When her VW's headlights rose up over the hill, my anxiety would vanish in a rush of relief. Only then would I end my night vigil and return to bed.

What must my sister have thought when she woke to find me kneeling at the window, or shaking her awake, demanding to know if she could smell a fire? She never said, never ridiculed me. Instead, she saved me from my fears by comforting me with her voice. Her light-hearted stories and word games, night after night, distracted me enough that gradually my anxieties and nightmares disappeared.

Now that I'm a parent, I'm even more impressed with my sister's ability to calm my night terrors with such grace. As a mother with a restless child, I know it's not an easy job.

When my daughter gets out of bed two or three times and comes to find me, I think seriously about making the bedtime routine a lot stricter but then I remember how my sister comforted me. Somehow, no matter how tired or impatient I feel when I hear "Mom, I can't fall asleep," I'm immediately cast in the same role of bedtime soother. Although we have tried several relaxation methods, including meditation, some nights she's just got more on her mind and the only solution seems to be to let her talk it out. So I tuck her back into bed and sit beside her, waiting for her to tell me what's on her mind.

Sometimes our bedtime chats deal with the lingering anxieties of her scarier, post-9/11 world: a lockdown drill at school or the reports on war and terrorism that she's glimpsed on the news. Other times she's got innocent, ten-year-old concerns: why have some of her friends started wearing bras and will she have to wear one, too? I've answered basic questions about menstruation and had philosophical discussions about death and the idea of an afterlife. I've learned not to be surprised by her questions; they're the tough questions she doesn't feel comfortable asking after school or at the dinner table. But under cover of darkness, when her anxieties grow large and beg for attention, she's ready to talk.

I have discovered that the darkness itself encourages candid conversation—on both our parts. In the twenty minutes it takes to square away a worry or a question, we end up sharing experiences that might not come to light during the day. Although I cannot remember the first day I wore a bra, I can recall vividly how it felt to be out of sorts with my best friend. We discuss life lessons and challenging situations. I always come away from our conversations amazed by her strength and insight.

I know, given time, my daughter will outgrow her need for this bedtime routine, just as I did. On those nights she still needs comfort I pass along my version of the gift my sister gave to me. After lights out, I talk with her in the dark and listen to her talk herself to sleep. When she relaxes and gives me the signal —- "I'm sleepy now, Mom" -— I'm released from my role as bedtime soother.

Some nights I stay a little longer, just for the quiet pleasure of it.
_________________________________
Karen says:

Besides being a mom of two daughters, I am a freelance writer and editor. My recent publications include fiction on www.LiteraryMama.com (May 2006) and a personal essay broadcast on Northeast Public Radio. I am also the editor of the anthology Celebrating the Land, Women’s Nature Writings.

Editor's Note

2006-08-05T03:43:00.000-04:00

With Ms Sisyphus taking care of some extra kids and me settling in to a new house while planning a birthday party, we both wondered how we'd ever be ready for our first issue.

Answer: we're not.

That's the beauty of Sweet Beatrice. We're probably doing it "wrong," according to some folks, but we're doing the best we can with what we're given, be that time, opportunity, whatever.

I've been given my fair share of supercilious looks in my time, sometimes about my parenting. This week I was in a gaming store (a store that sells stuff like trading card games, D&D supplies and comic books) that has several tables for types of games set up. They're pooltable bases topped with models of ruined castles, bridges, ponds, rivers and forests on papier mache ground. In order to move the pieces, or "figs" in gamerspeak, they have long cheap plastic sticks. Well Zosie grabbed a plastic stick and thwacked one of the table legs. The store owner, on his headset phone, responded with a Rainmanesque "uh-oh!"

I didn't take the stick away. It's a $.02 plastic stick. And my opinion was/is, "Get off the fucking phone, help us out and we'll leave your store. Ass."

Again: "Uh-oh!"

When I spoke to a friend of mine who knows the gaming store guy and has a daughter Zosie's age, he said, "I bet he had a conniption."

So I'm sure in Game Store Guy's eyes, I was most definitely "doing it wrong" -- allowing my child to run wild with a plastic stick! The horror! I also let her run wild in the bookstore in Erie. My opinion is/was: If you don't expect a child in the children's section of the bookstore, you need to stick to Amazon. Besides, it's a bookstore, a retailer. It's not a fricking library. I don't let her rip books off the walls and destroy displays but I didn't stop her from dashing between the reading stage and the display of Nick Jr Beanie Plushes. Nor did I walk off and shop while leaving her to her own devices.

Does it make me a bad parent that I allow my daughter to explore her environment in retail spaces? Absolutely not. If I left her locked in the car while I did my shopping, I would be a bad parent. Should I be a walking advertisement for parenting licenses because she likes to color and talk rather than eat her dinner in a restaurant? Nope. If I fought with her and threatened her to "eat it or else," I would understand the looks I sometimes get.

It comes down to this: everyone has her own idea about right ways and wrong ways to do things; "right" and "wrong" are subjective by nature. Maybe we are doing it wrong, either as parents or as editors but I think that if you're doing it and doing it the best way you can, you're doing it right.

Welcome to our virgin issue!

FYI: Our first real issue goes live tomorrow...

2006-08-03T19:16:00.000-04:00

... so hold on to your wigs & keys.

Why Didn't I Think of That??

2006-07-21T11:06:00.000-04:00

Sand. It's one of the banes of summertime vacation when you have kids. And it's everywhere. Sand at the playground. Sand at the beach. Sand in the sandbox. And the diaper. And the car. And and and...

It's a simple equation: Sunscreen+Sand= encrusted kid. And getting it off? Ever tried brushing it off? There's a Sisyphean task if ever there was one!

Unless you take my advice and try this: Babypowder.

It's quick, it's easy, it works, and you've probably got some hanging around. Sprinkle the powder over your little sandmonster. Wait a few seconds. Brush off.

Now, don't you wish you'd thought of that?

(And, if you've got a headsmacker of a tip, send it in! Don't let's all reinvent the wheel here.)

Survey: snacktime!

2006-07-12T17:55:00.000-04:00

What do you have to keep on hand for when you or your kids want snacks? In our house, Zosie is beside herself that we are out of bananas. Please comment & tell us whatcha got in yer drawers (and cabinets and pantries).

July issue :: Dipping our toes

2006-07-07T01:00:00.000-04:00

Contents :: July issue

Introduction

Interview: Denise from Lancaster

Survey: Snacktime!

Why Didn't I Think of That?: Getting sand off your kids

What's up? Call for interviewees

We'd Love to Read You! Submission guidelines

July "Parents Like Me" Interview

2006-07-03T15:44:00.000-04:00

Denise is a full-time mom of two girls, Jenna, age 7 and Danni age 3. I've known Denise since probably 1987; after a certain number of years, you just stop keeping track. In addition to being a full-time mom, Denise has a successful home-based business selling Tasteful Treasures to friends and via home parties near her home in Lancaster, PA.

She's a great mom – and a non-traditional mom – and she agreed to a quick interview via e-mail with me to kick off our “Parents Like Me” interview series.
=======================================

Let's start with the classic question for full-time parents: What do you do all day?

I start by cleaning a little then of the running the kids here and there for shopping, play dates etc.

What's your favorite outdoor activity to do with your daughters?

Wash things (like the cars), playing in the playhouse or sidewalk drawing. After dark, we have evening fires and make s'mores.

How do you maintain your non-mom identity? What interests do you pursue that have nothing to do with parenthood?

I have my TT business and my friends

What's your favorite toy to share with your children?

Monopoly Jr Princess Edition

How do you reward good behavior?

Hugs and kisses, kind words

What's the most effective punishment?

Time out or small swat to bottom or hand

What's the secret to potty training?

Have an older child just finishing or bribery

What are some of the ways your parenting style differs from your parents'?

I shield my kids from all things I feel are scary or bad. I encourage them come to me with any questions they have about things that they know or believe are wrong but they're not sure why they are.

Share a good tip or trick for everyday parenting.

Consistency

Have you run into much "competitive parenting?" How about Queen Bee mothers?

I try not to compare. I see the cliques and avoid them

Tell us about a time a stranger gave you unsolicited parenting advice.

Jenna was 2 weeks old and I was on my first outing with her to the grocery store and a large woman comes after me, telling me, "That baby should have a hat on! It'll catch its death if a wind gets in its ear." I looked at her and said, “It's mid-May and 76 degrees with no breeze.” I damned near died! Imagine: I might have a clue on how to dress her! Thank you! Good. Bye.

What's the key to successful breastfeeding? How long did you breastfeed?

Patience and a lot of support from a knowledgeable group (breastfeeding classes, on-call support line, etc.) I breastfed 16 months w/ Jenna and 15 months w/ Danni.

In A League of Their Own, Jimmy Dugan (Tom Hanks) says, "It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great." Do you think that's true of being a Mom?

Yes, However I completely feel that any one could be a mother but you really have to work to be "Mommy."

=======================================

Feel free to continue the diuscussion in the comments. Save your own answers if you'd like to be interviewed for "Parents Like Me."

If you're interested in Tasteful Treasures, just comment or e-mail and I'll put you in touch w/ Denise. It's nice stuff.

Also if you can come w/ a snazzier name for the interview series, let us know!

Thanks again, D :)

Interviewees wanted

2006-07-01T23:59:00.000-04:00

If you're a less-than-perfect parent and would like to do a quick e-mail interview at your convenience, please contact us and title your e-mail "interview." If you have a blog, personal website, etc. please include the URL so we can read it and learn a little about you in order to personalize the interview. Don't be shy.

The purpose of the interviews is for us to help create a supportive environment for our parenting styles and choices. Wouldn't it be nice to read about someone who does it the way you do it, whether it's potty training or taking the kids to peace rallies?

Our first interview will be posted next week as part of our launch. Look for it then or add us to your feeds. There's a link on the right for our site feed page.

About "Sweet Beatrice"

2006-07-01T00:38:00.000-04:00

We named our blogzine "Sweet Beatrice" after the heroine of Much Ado About Nothing. Beatrice is a warm, witty woman who knows how to turn a phrase. In the play she defends herself and her beloved family from criticism and slander while opening her heart to love.

Sweet Beatrice is a blogzine -- a collaborative weblog combined with an e-zine. We want to share things we're not reading in the pediatrician's waiting room. This is about real life parenting and about supporting each other in the choices we make.

Our target audience is the "non-traditional" parent. Not that we're going to publish "Baby's First Tattoo: When should she get it?" any time soon. But articles about who has a decent kiddie menu or where's a good spot to breastfeed when you're out or how to plan a birthday party that doesn't cost a fortune.

Our theory is basically this: parenting is not a competition. When our children are loved, safe and living a healthy lifestyle, we're doing it right. "Doing it right" could mean that our kids go to bed in the clothes they wore all day. We make mudpuddles on purpose. If it means they'll eat the broccoli, we let our kids have dessert first. Sometimes we just don't feel like playing Barbies and we admit to being overwhelmed or lonely or in rapturous bliss as parents.

Single parents, partnered parents, adoptive parents... we make no distinction. It's "parent" here and that's the only label we'll use.

Feel free to contribute your essays or parenting stories. Comment on what you read. Give us ideas of topics you'd like to see. Contact info is in our sidebar.

Editor Bio: Ms Sisyphus

2006-06-30T13:10:00.000-04:00

I started blogging as Ms Sisyphus about a year and a half ago. The name comes from that feeling that so many parents, especially single parents, have--that it's one long slog. Which is not to say that it's not a wonderous and fulfilling experience, just that there's a lot of just keeping on keeping on involved.

I'm a teacher by trade, and have a degree from The University of Western Ontario to prove it. I love teaching, but have spent most of the last 2 years wrangling the Zen Baby--who is slowly morphing into a Shaolin Toddler--and The Diva Girl. This SAHM thing, it's different. It's mindnumbingly boring, and yet ultimately deeply fulfilling. So much so that I've decided to return to teaching as a substitute, and focus my energies on launching a freelance writing career and honing my skills as the ultimate playmate.

I used to write for dotmoms, and have a blog over on iVillage chronicling the ups and downs of solo parenting. My interests are wide and varied, but like Eden, I'd put "Writing, having sex and pissing people off" near the top of the list. Joaquin is cute and all, but let's be honest, he's no Vin Diesel.

I live in Southwestern Ontario with the Ladies, some mice, and now, a displaced hermit crab.

Editor bio: Stephanie Lenz

2006-06-30T00:01:00.000-04:00

"Eden" is a sobriquet I use in almost all of my online ventures. It's my craft name and my erotica pseudonym as well. As an editor, I use my real name but in blogging I go by Eden. In the case of Sweet Beatrice, I'll answer to either.

I'm a full-time baby wrangler to my daughter "Zosie" and my son "Hal." I've been writing professionally since 1995 and did my first real editing work in 1991. I have a degree in creative writing from Florida State University and cofounded Toasted Cheese in 2001.

My favorite people are articulate, funny, creative and kind. When asked, I answer that my interests are "Writing, having sex and pissing people off." I also have a deep and abiding lust for Joaquin Phoenix.

I live in western Pennsylvania with my husband (Hawkeye), the two younglings and a very large dog named Jake.

Submission Guidelines

2006-06-28T16:14:00.000-04:00

Sweet Beatrice accepts submissions of non-fiction (ex: personal essay) and creative non-fiction on a rotating basis.

Send your submission to sweetbeazine @ gmail.com

Title your e-mail "submission."

If you would like to become a regular contributor to Sweet Beatrice, please send your query and clips (URLs prefered) to sweetbeazine @ gmail.com

Title your query "contributor"

E-mails with attachments will not be read nor receive a reply.

We will notify you of the status of your submission or query as soon as possible. Please wait one month before submitting again after a rejection.

We welcome new writers, including bloggers.